Scarlet Lockes and The Three Very Unhappy Bears
by darkdemon125
Summary: This is random and completely retarded. I was bored so I wrote a fanisode if the YYH gang and me did a twisted version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Rated M for language and some sexual content. Along with gay references. Sorry.


**You've seen the rest, now read the best fanisode ever. Well not really. But it made you look didn't it?**

* * *

Nick: Hello! My name is Nick but I assume to know that from name tag at the beginning of this line!

Yusuke: Shut up! I'm on TV!

Kuwabara: Look at me! I'm totally kicking your ass!

Yusuke: As if! I'm so smashing your face into the concrete!

Kuwabara: In your dreams Urameshi!

Nick: And this is why I like the demons, they're quiet.

Yusuke: What was that?

Nick: Nothing!

Yusuke: I heard you twerp!

Kuwabara: Don't talk to Nicky that way, you jerk!

Nick: Don't call me Nicky, moron!

Yusuke: You shouldn't be talking, idiot!

Kurama: And you are the mature one...

Hiei: Baka.

Nick: Speaking of the demons! Here there are! Kurama and Hiei, folks! *claps wildly, faking audience cheering*

Yusuke: *eye twitches* Ya know...I think she's on drugs.

Kuwabara: She's on something. Hey Nick! What are you high on?

Nick: Do ya wanna know? Do ya really wanna know?

*Yusuke and Kuwabara nodded their heads*

Nick: I am on this great new drug! Cops don't even know about it yet!

Kurama: Nicolette...

Hiei:........

Yusuke: Well what is it, already?

Kuwabara: YEAH!

Nick: It's called life. I am high on life and the fuzz can't catch me!

*Runs away, laughing maniacally*

Yusuke:....

Kuwabara:.....

Hiei:.......

Kurama:......

*Somewhere hidden in the shadows.*

Nick: What those four don't know is, I've enrolled them in a summer day camp where they have to put on plays for little kids! All with the permission of the almighty but oh tiny Koenma. Hehehe but don't tell em. I'm gonna surprise them!

*Four hours later*

Yusuke: What are we doing here, Nick?

Kuwabara: I know! I'm missing my awesome fight with that kid!

Nick: *rolls eyes.* You lose, Kuwabara. The kid kicks your ass. There, you watched it.

Kurama: She's right, Kuwabara.

Hiei: Buffoon.

Kuwabara: Hey watch it shortie! Everything you say just makes me wanna punch you in the face.

Hiei: As if you could touch me.

Kurama: Now, now boys! Nick, where are you going?

Nick: On stage, of course. I'm the Storyteller!

Yusuke: Stage?

Kuwabara: Stage?

Kurama: Stage?

Hiei: Dead, onna.

*curtains open to reveal our fated heroes in the throes of a dastardly trap set the mischievious Nick!*

Nick: Hello, boys and girls! My name is Nick and I'm going to be your Storyteller! These are my friends! Make them feel welcomed!

*children clapping with enthusiasm. with me smiling evilly*

Nick: Today we're telling the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears! Now let's see...hmmm...oh! I have it! Kuwabara will be the all powerful but small minded Papa Bear! Yusuke with his 'gentle' spirit will be Uncle Beary and Hiei will be Baby Bear! Kurama you will be goldilocks or redilocks or crimsonlocks or I've got it! Scarlet Lockes! So we'll change the title to Scarlet Lockes and the Three Unhappy to Begin With Bears!

*Clapping erupts*

Nick: Now for costumes! Here ya go! A bear snout for you and you and you and ears! Kurama here's a ribbon and an apron! Now you go get ready and I'll start the story, ok?

Kurama: A ribbon, Nick?

Hiei: I will NOT be in this ridiculous play.

Nick: Hiei, there is sweet snow in the freezer in the back BUT you can only get it if you stay in this play. Please?!

Hiei:.....fine.

Kurama: The ribbon, Nick?

Nick: Kurama, please?!!!! PRETTY PLEASE WITH SUGAR ON TOP!!!!!

Kurama: Very well...

Nick: YAY!!!!

Yusuke: She's gonna choke one day...

Kuwabara: How's she going to do that?

Yusuke: My hand is goin' to do it against her will.

Kuwabara: Why's it goin' to do that?

Yusuke: Because I'm going to kill her...stupid blonde.

Nick: I heard that! Now let's get on with the story!

*Lights dimming and a spot light set up on Kurama who looked adorably clueless for once in his life!*

Nick: Once upon a long time ago, nobody knows when exactly, but it was after the invention of furniture and before the creation of hotels and soup kitchens, anyways there was a handsome boy who became lost in the woods behind his house. He came upon a house that belonged to three very unhappy bears. When he knocked ever so politely and no one answered, he used his wits and his lock picking habit to break into the house. BREAK IN.

*Nick rolled her eyes as Kurama couldn't open the door to the cardboard house. Finally he barges in.*

Nick: *Sigh* Once inside he realized he was mighty hungry! Isn't that right, Scarlet?

Kurama: Oh, yes, ravenous!

Nick: He found three bowls of porridge...

Yusuke: Porridge? How old is this freakin' story anyway?! No one eats porridge anymore!

Kuwabara: I bet some people do!

Yusuke: No, they don't! Choose something a little moderner!

Nick: Very well. Scarlet found three bowls of cereal! Happy, Beary?

Yusuke: Better.

Nick: *groan* Scarlet eyed each cereal with interest. He tasted the first one, Spicy Os. and said.

Kurama: Sis, sesreal sis sue shot!

Nick: What was that? That isn't the line! Say it right!

Kurama: This cereal is too hot!

Nick: Thank you. He tasted the second bowl, Icy Shards! and said

Kurama: This cereal is brr cold!

Nick: Almost giving up, he tasted the last one, Rice Krispies! He grinned in pleasure.

Kurama: This is one is just right!

Nick: He ate it all up. Feeling tired, our Scarlet Lockes made his way into the living room where three chairs sat!

Kuwabara: Where's the TV? COME ON! Two and half men living in a house alone have to have TV!

Nick: In front of the large screen Plasma, freakin' TV. The first chair he sat in wasn't quite right, was it?

Kurama: It was much too big to be comfortable!

Nick: The second chair?

Kurama: Much too soft!

Nick: How about the third and final chair?

Kurama: It appears to be in proportion and I think it will support my weight fine.

Nick: Sit in it.

Kurama: Yes, ma'am.

Nick: Scarlet Lockes sat in the littlest chair and smiled when it...didn't break? Someone break the chair!

Hiei: My pleasure.

*Hiei smirks before punching the chair*

*Kurama falls onto his cute little tooshie*

Nick: After having eating Spicy Os, and Icy Shards, our little red head was far too tired of everything not going right! So he head up stairs to take a nap.

Kurama: Why? I'm not tired.

Nick: Yes you are.

Kurama: No, I'm not.

Nick: Yes, you are.

Kurama: But I'm quite well rested. I can assure you of that.

Nick: Yes, You are freakin' tired!

Kurama: But...

Nick: I dare you to say you're not tired. I know where you sleep! I know where you shower! I know what shampoo you use! I know how to dye hair just like yours! YOU ARE TIRED.

Kurama: I'm *yawn widely* So VERY tired.

Nick: Thank you. Now Scarlet went upstairs and found a bedroom with three beds in it.

Yusuke: HEY! I REFUSE TO SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM AS TWO GUYS!

Nick: Oh freakin' well! You're gay bears ok?!

Kuwabara, Yusuke, and Hiei: WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Nick: You asked for it! Now just shut the hell up!

Kurama: Nick...

Nick: WHAT?

*points innocently at the wide-eyed children.*

Nick: Damn it all. Umm...Well Scarlet tried out the first bed!

Kurama: It was much too hard.

Nick: He tried the second.

Kurama: It was much too soft.

Nick: And he finally came to the last bed.

Kurama: Which happens to be just right!

Nick: So he slept. But as he did so, our three male life-partners came home!

Yusuke: I can't believe I have to portray a gay bear.

Kuwabara: I can't believe I'm a life-partner to Urameshi

Hiei: I can't believe I'm even here.

Nick: They, as I've said before, were very Unhappy-to-begin-with bears

Yusuke: You got that right...

Nick: Anways they came upon their cereal and saw something wrong.

Yusuke: Some fuck-tard ate my cereal!

Kuwabara: Mine too!

Hiei: Hn.

Nick: _Hiei...._

Hiei: Mine is all fuckin' gone.

Nick: Thank you, wait! KIDS!

Yusuke: Sorry, right. Beep-tard.

Hiei: Bleeping, bleep, bleep gone.

Nick: They go into the living room.

Kuwabara: Someone sat in my beepin' chair

Yusuke: BEEP. Mine too.

Hiei: What the hell? Someone bleeping broke my bleeping beep-beep chair

Nick: So of course, they check upstairs to see if it was a hot guy and you know what?

Random girl: It was?

Nick: Correctemundo, lil' chicka! A hot guy asleep in the smallest bed. But of course they have to have their lines.

Kuwabara: My bed always messed up, how can I tell?

Yusuke: You have no idea how gay you just sounded.

Hiei: Moron. Sleep. My Bed.

Nick: It was then our cutey awoke.

Kurama: Oh, my!

Yusuke: Ugh dude...

Kuwabara: Why does he look like a girl?

Hiei:....

Kurama: Help!

Nick: Scarlet runs out of the house and is never seen again! We think he may have been kidnapped by the bears. We're still investigating.

*Wild clapping erupts!*

Kids Shouting: MORE MORE YU YU! MORE MORE YU YU!!

Nick: *sweatdrops* Are you kidding me?

Yusuke: Nick, the kids watch more TV than we do. I'm sure they know what 69 and French mean!

Kuwabara: French is a language and 69 is my highest grade!

Nick: I hate Sex on tv. I hate you guys right now. I hate these kids. You ruined my night for me. Thank you!

Kurama: Was I good?

Hiei: Ask Nick.

Kurama: Nick?

Nick: You were fantastic, ok? You were all freakin' fantastic! Ugh...I'm dragging Koenma into this next week...

**THE END**


End file.
